Monday, July 19, 2010
Balancing Career & Family
I thought I'd share my notes that I prepared in response to the moderator's questions - they were very thought-provoking and made me think a lot about how I personally juggle my family (6 year old daughter, 2 year old son and husband) and career. I'd love it if you shared your thoughts to these questions in the comments too!
General/Work-Related
1. Please describe a day in the recent past that shows us how you juggle career and family responsibilities (it can be a day when you juggled well or one where things didn't go so well, but you learned something from the experience).
A few weeks ago, I had a really long day where I had a meeting in Oakland and then one in San Francisco in late afternoon. I switched with my husband for morning drop off duties since I knew I'd be home late. However, I forgot to tell him that that day, my daughter had to be picked up from her after care program at school instead of at her Grandma's. I had a fleeting thought about it as I was rushing about my day, but I didn't call or text him in the moment, so of course I promptly forgot about it! That evening as I was walking from BART to my car at 6:10 pm, my husband called me - "You didn't tell my I had to pick her up from school!!!" Of course, the program closed at 6:00 sharp. A loud groan and rushed apologizes preceded the onslaught of my inner mom guilt, which tripled when my daughter told us that night, "You mean everyone forgot to pick me up??"
What I learned? When I remember something, document or act on it in that moment because life is too busy to remember everything!
2. Do you think it is possible and desirable for the modern day woman to "have it all" (the career, the spouse/partner, and the children) at the same time?
I think it's possible to have it all, but not at the same time. I think it's especially hard when the kids are little because there's the feeling that they're only little once. However as they get older, they have more activities. It's always a struggle, but I look at "having it all" over the span of a lifetime. Of course, we can get closer to having it all or doing everything we want to do by freeing up our time by delegating things we have to do or involving our partners more.
3. What can we do to encourage employers to establish and maintain family-friendly policies?
Employers need to stop focusing exclusively on the bottom line and pay attention to what kind of workplace culture they are creating and the value, quality and skills of their workers. They should also pay attention to their turnover rates - it's more expensive to hire a new employee than to be flexible with a current one. Employers also need to recognize that a lot of times, family situations are temporary - babies do get older and eventually kids go to school.
4. Is it possible to avoid being "mommy tracked" (e,g. lose out on promotions, get less desirable work assignments etc) in today's workplace if a woman asks for flex-time or some other thing that makes balancing career and family easier? If so, what are some strategies for avoiding this trap?
I think this really depends on the industry you're in and the type of employer you have. In my experience, it's hard not to be mommy tracked at a law firm where if you have flex time or are part time, you're not considered as a serious candidate for partnership or a serious contributor to the firm. However, I imagine it may be similar in other companies where a mom who is part time or has flex time or even a mom who is full time with various doctors appointments, sick kids and school events, is perceived as not being a hard worker or committed to the company. I think moms have to be more vocal about their contributions to counteract this perception, such as letting bosses know that they are still available when out of the office, meeting deadlines, being responsive and that work is still being done remotely (such as at home after the kids go to bed). In a perfect world, the quality of one's work would be the most important thing, but let's face it, we need to champion our strengths and sometimes be our own biggest fan!
5. What do you think is the biggest challenge facing working parents today?
By far, the biggest challenge for working parents is having enough time for ourselves. We devote so much of our time to work, family and housework, that personal time falls by the wayside.
6. Do you think today's modern technology (e-mail, cell phones, web conferencing etc) make the career/family juggle easier or harder?
I think it makes it easier in that we have the flexibility to take a conference call at home and to finish up emails or a project while working from home, but of course technology does make it easier to blur the boundary between work and home. When I have to leave early to pick up the kids or go to a school event, I like having the flexibility to connect to the server at work after the kids go to bed and finish what I didn't get to. Of course, depending on your culture at work - such as if you're expected to be on 24/7, the blackberry may truly be a crackberry. I have observed that clients expect responses that much quicker since they assume everyone is connected to their blackberries all the time. So that adds more pressure, especially if you're attending a family event during work hours - I'm sure we've all had the unfortunate experience of having to respond to emails while watching a school performance.
Spouses/partners
7. Division of labor: What percentage of time do you and your spouse spend on a) parenting the kids and b) housework? Is the split where you want it to be?
I think I parent the kids more just because they seem to be more attached to mom than dad. we're pretty split on the housework and we're lucky because we have a lot of help - we outsource yard work and housecleaning, and have a household assistant who helps us twice a week to help w/ dishes, laundry and tidying up. It's one of the perks of owning my own home concierge company!
8. Are you able to regularly spend time with your spouse to promote a happy and healthy marriage? If so, how do you do it?
I would love to spend more time together on a regular basis! It just takes some advance planning and scheduling of a babysitter. But one has to actually do that!
Time for Self
9. What do you do to "recharge your battery" when you are feeling tired or overwhelmed?
Naps, reading, watching TV, surfing the internet, massages, spending time with my husband!
Have answers of your own to these questions? We'd love to hear them. Please post them in the comments below!
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