Monday, March 22, 2010
Caregivers—How to Avoid Wearing Yourself Out
Being a caregiver of an elderly parent demands a lot of you physically and emotionally. It can be so hard watching beloved parents losing their health, memory, and ability to care for themselves.
At one time they were in charge, now you may have to assume the role of decision maker and guardian. The lines are not always easy to see in this shifting relationship. Without open and clear communication resentment and hurt feelings can occur.
What are some things to avoid so you don’t wear yourself out?
Avoid an exaggerated sense of duty. A well-meaning son or daughter can overstep the boundaries of what the parent really needs or wants. A parent needs to be as independent as possible, for as long as possible, so as to keep their self-worth.
Avoid inappropriate guilt. It might take some honesty with yourself to know if your concern is focused on what is good for your parent or if it is what is good for yourself. You might think, “I couldn’t live with myself if mom fell and hurt herself because she’s living alone.” Is there a real danger at this point or are you projecting your feelings onto her? You might hastily move her out of her home and then no one will be happy.
Avoid false expectations and hurt feelings. Explain clearly what you can and can’t do for your elderly parent. Be careful of making long-term promises. Perhaps it would be better to say that you’ll try this arrangement for a while and see how it works, and if it doesn’t you’ll try something else.
Avoid trying to do it all yourself. There is only so much you can give. Ask for help from other family members, friends, neighbors, or professionals. And make sure you ask for specific things—people will respond better if they know exactly what project needs to be done.
Avoid neglecting your own health. Because you may be a caregiver for a number of years, it’s important to maintain a healthy routine of rest, nutrition, and exercise. Also, a caregiver needs to find someone to talk to and confide in. This can be family, friends, neighbors, community organizations, or even people on the internet who are experiencing the same as you.
Perhaps you have hired help for your parents’ home, but have you thought about outsourcing some of the work at your own home? Simplify can relieve a lot of stress by helping you care for your own housework or yard work. This might be a great way to free you up to spend more quality time with your parents.
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2 comments:
Why not offer a Simplify Assistant to relieve the Caregiver for a few hours a week? :)
A Simplify assistant can definitely provide relief on the physical aspects of household needs! And ergo, emotional relief to the caregiver that comes with having less things to think about and do ;)
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