Monday, February 22, 2010
Caring for Elderly Parents—What They Need From You
A recent report by the National Alliance for Caregiving in collaboration with AARP estimates that there are at least 43.5 million caregivers. This means19% of all adults provide unpaid care for someone over 50 years old.
This probably isn’t the whole picture, because the fastest growing age group in the U.S. is said to be the over 75 age group. The reality is that many of us face caring for our parents and grandparents now or sometime in the near future.
What do elderly parents need from their children?
Parents need love. What they desire most from their children is time and attention. A short phone call every day or once a week will mean a lot. Regular visits to their home gives them something to look forward to and at the same time you can check on how they are doing.
Parents need independence. Don’t be in a hurry to move them out of their own homes. Is there some way of providing what they need while still allowing them as much independence as possible? Some have found it helpful to add an apartment onto their own home or find a home nearby so that they can check in on a regular basis.
Parents need dignity. As they age they slow down and don’t remember as well. This will require more patience so that you can go at their pace, not your own. It will require that you listen carefully and with empathy.
Parents need physical assistance. They tire easily and routine activities can be too overwhelming. Cleaning, shopping, paperwork can all become too much for them to handle. Determine how much you can reasonably do to help. There’s nothing wrong in asking for help from friends, family or services available in the community.
Parents need to keep active mentally and physically. For their own health and mental alertness, they need to be involved in life as much as possible. Do they have some hobby or activity they can still enjoy? Can you take them for a short walk around the neighborhood? Getting outside in the sunshine will improve their physical and mental health tremendously.
Do what you can to fill their needs, but know your own limits.
Remember you still have other responsibilities – like a husband, children, job or your own house to care for. And it’s important to care for your own health. You won’t be to care for others if you wear yourself out.
It is essential to have an open conversation with your parents as to what their real needs and preferences are. If you have brothers or sisters, it would be wise to have a family conference and get everyone as involved as possible. Quite often the work falls to one person primarily, but if you tell others of specific needs, it gives everyone a chance to contribute what they can.
Don’t feel you have to do it all. If you live in the Silicon Valley area why not let our assistants at Simplify lift a lot of the work off your shoulders? Perhaps by cooking nutritious meals, cleaning the house, or doing the yard work. We offer a complimentary consultation where we can talk about how to support your busy life as a caregiver.
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