Monday, March 1, 2010
Do's and Don’ts of Making Mr. Mom Feel Special
It’s hard on a man to lose his job. We live in a society where a man is defined by the kind of work that he does. The sobering fact is that men have held 75% of the more than 7 million jobs that have been lost because of the recession.
As a result, men are staying at home with the children and trying to find other work. For many this is not an easy transition. Yes, they love the kids just as much as us moms do, but most traditional upbringings have not prepared him with the skills to take care of all the household chores comfortably. On top of that, economic worries can stress even the most laid back husbands.
What can we do as women to help our spouse cope with a sudden job loss and feel better about their new role in life?
First, here are a few things NOT to do:
· Don’t over control. So, he doesn’t load the dishwasher right. The dishes will still get clean. Let him get the job done his way.
· Don’t be critical. Criticism kills joy and all incentive to try to do anything.
· Don’t do all the talking. Ask questions and LISTEN to how his day went without jumping to too many conclusions.
· Don’t begrudge him some time out with the boys. We all need time to decompress.
· Don’t be so scheduled that there’s no flexibility to allow room for spontaneity. If Saturday morning is a beautiful sunny day, take off for the beach or the mountains for the weekend.
· Don’t expect perfection. Why frustrate yourself, and expect the impossible.
Next, here are a few things you should do:
· Do complement. We all need to know what specifically is appreciated about us as individuals. Tell him what you find attractive or what you really appreciate about him.
· Do communicate. If something needs to be settled, go into it with the attitude of fixing the problem, not winning a fight or proving who is right or wrong.
· Do be a couple. How about bringing home a bottle of wine and having some alone time together tonight? Who says you can’t bring him a red rose with a card. Okay, so your guy might like tickets to a game better. (You’re the one that knows what surprise he’d appreciate most.)
· Do schedule time to have fun as a family. Plan a night around a pizza and movies or a board game you can all enjoy.
· Do focus on how you have a truly great thing going, and be kind to one another. Instead of focusing on the negative, think about what you have to be grateful for.
If you live in or near the Silicon Valley, we can help you free up some time for a romantic evening so you can both enjoy some time alone.
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2 comments:
Great ideas! And you're so right--this is a huge problem right now.
Can I add one more Don't? Don't baby him. Don't show compassion. Don't show pity. Don't try to make him feel better.
I guess that's a whole bunch of don'ts, but they all relate to the same thing.
When a man loses his job, he feels like he's lost part of what makes him a man. We women, in seeing our men so down, try to fix it. But that's the exact wrong thing to do. Men still want to feel like they are powerful and respected by their wives. If we start showing pity or empathy or trying to fix it, we actually undermine him. So be happy, have some fun, and leave him to work out his issues, being available as a sounding board, but not as a "mother figure". He doesn't need that. He still needs to be a man!
Sheila from To Love, Honor and Vacuum
Excellent additions, Sheila! I think everyone wants to feel respected, especially men when they are out of work.
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