Monday, September 24, 2012
Parents – How to Be Flexible With Your Children
All parents are faced with the dilemma – should
I allow my children more freedom or do I need to provide more structured
guidance and help? Every day children grow and change. One strategy works with
one child, but another child needs a different approach. On one hand, you don’t
want to leave them without any guidance, on the other hand you don’t want to be
a ‘helicopter parent’ who’s always hovering and controlling.
Flexibility
is key to providing the best guidance. If you can modify your discipline to
fit the situation and not be stuck to a rigid code of rules, you’ll help your children
learn how to become responsible for themselves as they become older and more
independent.
Flexibility doesn’t mean always giving in to
your child. More often it applies to the approach you use as a parent. For
example, once you’ve established fair and simple rules, how do you react when
those rules are broken? Do you immediately punish? Do you allow your child to
experience the consequences of their actions or do you step in and shield them
every time? Do you spend all of your time saying “No” while overlooking the
times you can praise your children for behaving well?
While reading on this topic, I came across
three suggestions I’d like to share:
Prevent problems.
Parents know what situations trigger good or bad behaviors, so think ahead to
how to make the outcome better. For example, if children always beg for items
in the store, why not turn their attention to doing something that makes you
happy. Before you leave home, show them the empty containers of one or two
items you need to buy and ask for help to do your grownup shopping. Because
shopping is less stressful, you have time to reward
your child with an ice cream on the way home.
Give choices when you can.
No one likes to feel forced to do something. Your child may hate to go to a
necessary dentist appointment. Though there’s no choice of going, you can give
the choice of what snacks to take or what clothes to wear.
Give reasons not commands.
“Because I said so” is an often-heard phrase. If a child is never taught the
reason, how will they see why behavior is inappropriate? By telling them how
you or someone else feels because of the child’s behavior, you teach them to
consider others. They’ll also learn
how to express themselves with words when they have trouble rather than
resort to something physical like hitting.
Parents must decide what’s best for their own
children. And I think it’s important to thank all of the hard working parents
who are trying so hard to train their children to care for themselves and
others. You
really deserve to treat yourself to a night off. If you live in the Silicon
Valley, one of our Simplify
chefs can prepare a scrumptious meal for you in your own kitchen and then do
the clean up while you relax and enjoy time with your family.
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