Friday, August 1, 2008
Dirty Little Secrets
There's a new book out called "Dirty Little Secrets from Otherwise Perfect Moms" by Trisha Ashworth and Amy Nobile, authors of "I Was a Really Good Mom Before I Had Kids." Both books are similar and I've seen the authors on a couple news shows and have read some excerpts and I really like their down-to-earth, straight-shooting style. From secrets of moms buying Nordstrom gift cards at Safeway so the shoe budget gets rolled into the grocery budget, to the "fake cupcake problem," it's a refreshing look at what's going on with moms and motherhood today.
The most common themes the authors found was that moms have unreasonably high expectations of perfection which leads to guilty feelings all around. I can definitely relate. Who hasn't wondered how another mom is doing it, and doing it better than me? Even dropping my daughter off at preschool, I'm amazed at the moms who look perfectly put together - with makeup even - dropping off their kids. Me, I'm proud of myself just for being on time! I often wonder how early they get up in the morning and then try to remind myself that I'd rather sleep in!
Along with the over the top expectations is the ideal of perfection - that in our generation, we've grown up expecting that we can have it all, and do it all - have a thriving career, loving family, good marriage, friends, time to ourselves, a beautiful tidy house and balance it all so that we get enough sleep and are happy. Well, to keep up these appearances, the authors found that another little dirty secret is that moms often lie about how much help they're getting - oh, I only have a babysitter for 10 hours a week, or a housekeeper a couple times each week.
I say it's time to give ourselves a break. To stop feeling guilty about somehow not doing it all and looking good while doing it. To stop comparing ourselves to other moms. To stop feeling bad about asking for, and then receiving help. To stop pretending that we've got it all, and are keeping it all, together. I know it's a tall order and I'm far from being guilt-free, but perhaps if we all stop keeping up appearances, maybe our collective expectations will be more reasonable and we can stop feeling so darn guilty!
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