Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Nadya Suleman: Judging Moms

I'm a little amazed that Nadya Suleman is still in the news. But, with some of her own drama and other people trying to take advantage of the circumstances (back off porn companies!), it's no wonder. And, I guess she did make history by giving birth to 8 kids at once. No matter what you think about her, you have to give her credit for carrying 8 babies!

But of all the hype, it seems people are either indifferent to Ms. Suleman or hate her. Really hate her. To the point of making death threats against her. But seriously, what is it about Ms. Suleman having 8 kids, in addition to the 6 she already has that personally offends people to the point they feel they have the right to threaten her life?

It made me think, is this just another instance of the general public feeling they have the right to judge other people in general and moms in particular?

Don't get me wrong - I get it. I get that she's a single mom with 6 older kids who voluntarily underwent IVF. I get that she accepts food stamps to help feed her family. I get that it may have been irresponsible to undergo IVF yet again with so many kids and no apparent way to support them. But does that give us the right to judge her and her decisions?

How is Ms. Suleman any different from other families who receive public assistance? Is it because she voluntarily got pregnant and it wasn't an accident? Is it because she has too many kids and is single instead of married with 18 kids? Is it because she has a website where she accepts donations? From what I can tell, it seems like she really cares for her children and is not neglecting, abusing or failing to provide for them. I really don't know what or how many qualifiers or facts would make us feel that Ms. Suleman's decisions are OK and not ours to judge.

I do think that despite what we personally think about Ms. Suleman and her decisions, the media and the public in general judge moms too harshly for the choices we make. Depending on what the politics of the day are, moms have been criticized for working outside the home, for staying home with their kids, for breastfeeding them "too long," for putting their kids in public schools, for putting them in private schools, for not vaccinating them, and the list goes on. I think we need to give moms a break and as long as no one is in any danger, be respectful of each person's decisions and choices.

I'd love to hear your thoughts on this subject so make sure to post your comments!
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